Co-Dependency Therapy
Are All Of Your Choices Wrapped Up In The Needs Of Others?
Do you go to great lengths to ensure your loved ones feel special but no one does the same for you? Is it common for you to compare yourself to those around you, consistently deeming yourself “not good enough” despite reassurance from others? Do you find yourself repeating the same relationship patterns even when you know the outcomes are never what you want?
You may experience a high degree of social isolation, feeling detached and alone even in the presence of friends and family. You may dread spending time with people, even loved ones. Or maybe you’re ashamed of your partner and how you let yourself be treated, so you would rather not bring them around your inner circle.
You might be exhausted by all the energy you expend in your relationships. Never feeling fully appreciated or reciprocated, you may build resentment or have trouble establishing firm boundaries. In struggling to assert your needs, anger builds to the point where you become overly reactive and explosive. Then you feel guilty or ashamed of your actions and blame yourself for your own mistreatment.
It’s possible you struggle with physical symptoms that seem to creep in as you prepare to finish work or head home for the day. Migraines and stomach aches keep you from feeling good during your “off” time and you often feel sick and tired on weekends and vacation days.
Though many of these symptoms may seem temporary or unrelated, they are often signals of codependency or imbalanced relationships. Fortunately, therapy can help you understand patterns of codependency and how to reduce its negative impact on your life.
Codependent Relationships Are Extremely Common
When it comes to human relationships—whether romantic, platonic, professional, or familial—no connection is perfectly balanced. At times, we all give a little more in some relationships and get a little more from others, and it’s natural to lean on our loved ones during difficult periods.
Give-and-take in relationships is completely normal, yet codependency is often thought of as a term associated with addictive behaviors. The truth is that most of us struggle with some form of codependent relationships at some point.
How Codependent Relationships Originate And Develop
When we begin to lose our sense of self or when others equate our worth by what we do for them, self-destructive patterns emerge. People-pleasing and insecurity in relationships often stem from early experiences that cemented some lack of self-confidence or self-worth. Those form the basis for how we relate to others for the rest of our lives.
Suppose, for example, we grew up in a home with parents who regularly struggled with their own issues or made themselves unavailable to us in some way. In this case, we likely learned that taking care of others—instead of ourselves—was the only way to be recognized and get our needs met. We then bring this behavior into our relationships as adults, even though it often leads to resentment and emotional exhaustion.
We tend to hide unhealthy relationships and unhealthy relationship behaviors—we don’t want others to see just how imbalanced things are. Instead, we create counterproductive patterns of relating to others that affect every aspect of life, including at work and in our friendships and intimate partnerships.
Everyone is worthy of love, acceptance, and self-fulfillment. So, if you find yourself struggling with symptoms of codependency, therapy is an opportunity for you to identify unhealthy patterns and begin creating more space for your needs in life.
Therapy Allows You To Understand And Mitigate Codependency In Your Life
A therapist specializing in codependency understands that you’re the one who ultimately has to live with your decisions and relationships. Therefore, an effective clinician will not tell you what to do (or which relationships to sever) but will instead guide you in exploring the consequences of the many ways you approach or handle a situation.
By allowing you to arrive at conclusions you may have otherwise not considered, a therapist specializing in codependency can help you in overcoming self-doubt, improving your communication, and developing self-compassion.
My Approach To Counseling For Codependency
Therapy begins with a basic intake that will help me understand presenting issues and goals for treatment. I’ll ask questions about your family history and gain an understanding of your personal strengths. Working together, we will create a plan for codependency therapy that will draw from an array of approaches that align with your unique learning style.
I will use a blend of evidence-based methods, depending on your needs, so you can effectively interpret the information you receive and adjust your stress response. My approach to codependency therapy typically includes elements of Cognitive Behavioral and Dialectical Behavior Therapies (CBT and DBT), as well as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which enhances self-compassion.
Using a combination of these methods, we will determine the family dynamics and significant life events that serve as a basis for your overall relationship with others and the world around you. Rather than getting stuck on past hurts, however, we will use therapy to clarify how you relate to others today, including your communication style, your emotional response, and your expectations for those around you.
One of the most essential skills you will gain by working together is how to think critically about the messages you’ve received your entire life—both spoken and unspoken. With the tools you learn in therapy, you will be better able to interpret and apply helpful messages, recognize harmful patterns of codependency, and create meaningful boundaries to hold others accountable.
Relationships are often what make life either painful or worthwhile—and counseling allows you to see that it’s possible to learn to value your relationship with yourself and not feel guilty for it! Though adapting your behaviors is a process, therapy for codependency can help you increase confidence in yourself and your decisions so that you can live a more balanced life.
Perhaps You’re Considering Seeing A Therapist Specializing In Codependency, But You’re Unsure…
My partner worries that therapy will make me too difficult to live with or that you’ll encourage me to leave them.
I’ve seen clients come from codependent relationships or arrive in therapy with the intention of ending their partnership because they think it’s the only option for feeling better. In therapy, these clients have learned how they contribute to problems in their relationships and how to change codependent behaviors. Many times, by the time they end therapy, they no longer feel the need to get out of the relationship.
Though every situation is different, my goal as a therapist specializing in codependency is to help you bolster your communication skills and improve the chances that your relationship will be successful.
Other people—therapists, family members, and friends—have told me to leave my relationship because it’s abusive or toxic. I am ashamed I can’t leave it and don’t want you to tell me that too.
If the way others treat you makes you feel unhealthy or unsafe, I will use therapy as an opportunity to brainstorm ways to help you feel safe. In some cases, this may involve coming up with an exit strategy.
However, no matter the outcome of your relationship, therapy is an opportunity to build your confidence, learn to trust your decisions, and acquire the resources you need to make the choices that will ultimately improve your life. Feeling trapped is different from making a confident and informed decision to stay, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. I assure you that I will never judge you for how you feel or what you decide.
The real problem is my partner’s behavior, and they aren’t interested in couples therapy for codependent relationships. If I can’t make them change, there’s no point in me seeking counseling for codependency.
Do you feel satisfied with the way that you deal with your partner’s behaviors? Are you happy with yourself, or do you feel like you need the necessary encouragement and skills to meet your own needs? Are you worried that if you improve and your partner doesn’t, you will outgrow the relationship and feel guilty about it?
Therapy for codependency can help you clarify your answers to these questions and make the decisions needed to move your relationship in a new direction. Though I don’t offer couples counseling, I do think individual counseling for codependency can aid in newfound understanding and awareness about all of your relationships.
You Can Learn To Prioritize Yourself With Confidence
If you feel stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns or lack assurance in your strengths and decisions, codependency therapy can help you clarify and assert your needs.
To schedule a free consultation or learn more about my services, please contact me.
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