Healing from Codependency: Where to Begin
Are you afraid of being alone?
Do you feel like your relationship is one-sided or that you're putting in more of an effort compared to your partner?
Do your moods depend on the thoughts and feelings of the people around you?
Is change hard for you?
Do you feel the constant need for approval from others?
If you said yes to a majority of the questions listed above, you may be codependent.
Being codependent means you may focus on other people over yourself. This means paying closer attention to others' feelings, wants, needs, and issues over your own.
At first glance, focusing on others may seem like the trait of a really good friend, but codependency takes it further and can cause imbalances in one's life, especially in relationships.
Keep reading to learn where to begin the process of healing from codependency:
1. Establish Boundaries
Boundaries can be extremely hard for people that are codependent, but boundaries can create healthy limits for yourself, emotionally and physically. When you're putting everyone else's needs before your own, your boundaries can get lost.
You may end up committing to things you don't want to do. Not having boundaries can also cause a relationship to be one-sided, leading to you feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, and disgruntled.
Do not feel guilty about setting boundaries. It will help you take care of yourself and set the standard of how you wish to be treated.
Here are a few great ways to set boundaries with others:
Practice saying no
Do not be the one to always take the blame, particularly when you're not at fault
Define what respect looks like to you
Ask for space
Communicate when you're uncomfortable
Stand up for yourself
2. Focus on Yourself
Putting all of your focus on the other people in your life limits your ability to focus on yourself. People that are codependent may have a hard time recognizing and attending to their own thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs.
Focusing on yourself isn't selfish! In fact, it's the opposite. You are your own, unique self. No one in the world is exactly like you. Do not define yourself by your relationship or work. Focusing on yourself means you care about yourself and it's healthy to have some self-love and me-time.
3. Learn to Love Yourself First
You know what they say, you can't really love someone until you love yourself first. Feelings of worthlessness, the inability to be loved, and insecurity are usually tied to codependency. Due to the constant need to please and take care of others, codependent relationships can be tied to loneliness and abuse.
Learning to prioritize and love yourself can be an uncomfortable feeling for someone who constantly puts others' needs first. That's okay—start slow. Self-love can be as simple as telling yourself you're doing the best you can instead of feeling down about not doing enough.
Here are some other simple ways to practice self-love:
Get enough sleep
Don't skip meals
Celebrate your wins
Journal your thoughts
Tap a nap
Get a massage, take a bath, or take a vacation
4. Consider Therapy
Keep in mind that trying to heal from codependency doesn't mean you can't lean on others for support. A therapist can help to make you aware of some of your codependent behaviors. Once you recognize those behaviors, you can start working on making a change for the better.
If you decide to attend therapy with a partner, a therapist can be a great and unbiased third party to help you both sort through any codependent habits and actions.
I’m here to help you if you are struggling with co-dependency. Learn how to heal from your emotional imbalance and to support you in making healthy changes.
Call or Email me for a free 15 minute consultation now - (248) 821-9130.
