How Can Perfectionism Affect Your Relationships?
Do any of the following ring a bell?
You attach your worth to your performance.
It's either a win or a loss; there is no middle ground.
You have a hard time saying "no" due to a fear of not being liked.
To avoid embarrassing yourself or failing, you like to stay in your comfort zone.
You hate asking for help because you don't want to show that you're vulnerable or weak.
These are some of the common signs of being a perfectionist.
Have you noticed that some of these signs are not only affecting you, but some of your relationships as well? You may have had a past relationship or two that involved fights or even breakups due to small issues that were never able to get resolved.
Here's how perfectionism can affect your relationships.
Your Dreams Don't Match Your Reality
Despite wanting to be the perfect version of yourself, with the perfect partner, and being perfect together, it's very hard to find because it doesn't exist.
Placing these high expectations on yourself and your partner only sets you both up for failure.
Perfectionists can easily blame themselves or their partner, which can only lead to more issues and problems.
You Have a Hard Time When Plans Change
You strive to have control and want things to go exactly as planned. When plans change, you have a difficult time adjusting.
If your partner surprises you, you don't handle it well, even if it's a surprise that is for you. Spontaneous trips or plans don't happen in your relationship. Everything is planned ahead of time with a packing list and itinerary.
If your partner surprises you or changes plans, you don't handle it well. Even if your partner planned a surprise for you, you're freaked out over being appreciative. And if your partner has to change plans due to something coming up, you have a hard time understanding and being able to adjust.
You're Always Comparing Your Relationship
You never feel like your relationship is good enough. You're constantly comparing your relationship to your parents, family members, friends, and random people on social media that you don't even know.
The truth is, you don't know what's going on in anyone's relationship but your own. You can't see behind the scenes. Despite that, you still are wishing your relationship was like theirs. You're constantly worried that you and your partner are doing something wrong or aren't on the same page.
You Can't Let Go or Forgive
Not being able to move forward or let things go can be a huge bummer for you and your partner. Having open and honest communication in your relationship means having some conflicts from time to time and being able to overcome them.
If something valid bothers you about your partner or if they say things that upset you, tell them.
It can be easy as a perfectionist to nitpick or get hung up on the little things. Make sure your conversations are things that your partner is willing and able to change. Don't criticize them just because something in your relationship is different from how you imagined it to be.
How to Move Forward
The want for you, your partner, and your relationship to be the best you can be isn't a bad thing. But when your desires turn into perfectionism, it can impact your relationship in negative ways.
Just because you may be a perfectionist doesn't mean you can achieve perfection. Spoiler alert: No one can!
If you feel like your perfectionism is affecting your relationships, a therapist can work with you to help you make small changes and view things in a different way beyond perfectionism.
Contact us for a consultation to start overcoming perfectionism with therapy for perfectionism and workaholism.
